Giant Pandas: The Libidoless Phantoms of the Animal Kingdom
I've been discussing giant pandas at length the last few days. Turns out they are extremely stealth and are known to miraculously disappear in a split second. I guess that's why you don't see many stuffed ones. Also, check out this article detailing how China is trying to arouse these asexual creatures with panda porn.
Does anyone have any thoughts on the giant panda??
17 Comments:
ME WANT ONE BIG TIME BOODIE BAD!!!!
I have many many thoughts on the GP but my intial thought why never Panda Paw Soup !!! Imagine if that caught on , the blight of the Panda gone in one foul swoop , or at least at lot of one pawed Pandas that could never wave at you anymore !!!
So essentially what you're saying is the Giant Panda is in fact no more than a Giant Onanist and that a swiftly delivered demanostration would result in a Giant Panda Baby Boom? Interesting angle.
My problem is that there are a lot of dermists out there who support their passions by making trinkets -- the "lucky" rabbit's foot being one of the most common. If a Panda is to lose its paw, then, the paw should be similiarly preserved, not eaten, because dermists need this kind of work in order to fund their larger labors of love.
My retort would be why deny society such a delicacy especially as the Panda is so rare that we never get to see a real Panda Paw attached to a real Panda Arm then lets eat the Paw and hang a fake Paw on the wall , trust me , and i know the Panda , nobody will tell the difference.
Panda pampering must stop
I cheked out the old wiki for some 411 on the old GP and it seems that, although not stuffed, somebody has used it's giant head for good luck ...wonder if I could get it in a key chain!
"Unlike many other animals in ancient China, pandas were rarely thought to have medical uses. The only considered medical use was probably of panda urine, to melt needles accidentally swallowed in the throat. In the past, pandas were thought to be rare and noble creatures; the mother of Emperor Wen of Han was buried with a panda skull in her tomb. Emperor Taizong of Tang was said to have given Japan two pandas and a sheet of panda skin as a sign of goodwill."
does this sounds like "group sex" to anyone?
"The mating season usually takes place from mid-March to mid-May. During this time, two to five males can compete for one female; the male with the highest rank gets the female. When mating, the female is in a crouching, head-down position as the male mounts from behind. Copulation time is short, ranging from thirty seconds to five minutes, but the male may mount repeatedly to ensure successful fertilization."
For all you Giant Pandas aficionados:
http://crazypandasex.bigcartel.com/product/crazy-panda-sex-support
is it me or does that sound like Russell having sex??
Wait - so who's the highest ranking male panda? what makes him the best and therefore the chosen copulation companion? If the female GP is a little slutty, does she then make her way through the lower ranks?
It doesn't sound exactly like group sex, but I think there's potential. I say, why work your way through the ranks one-by-one? Get them all in on the action at once and let them prove themselves. GP's are great under pressure!
Female GPs are in fact extremely slutty, but male GPs are likewise extremely jealous, and if the strongest GP saw some little scrawny hanger on mounting his chosen one I think it's safe to say that would be the end of both female and scrawny GP.
Then I would make lucky trinkets out of their paws.
But this isn't likely, because female GPs are smart enough to choose a long life over cheap sex.
Hello Dermigirl-
If you were a student in one of my classes I'd give you a sex-A-plus!
You asked a question that peaked my diverse and eclectic interests. Who's the highest ranked Giant Panda? Well, darling dermist, here I am to prove you need look no further than me. Here I am.
You so provocatively query, "what makes him the best and therefore the chosen copulation companion?"
Let me start off by saying not only am I free of all diseases and in tremendous condition. I can prove this with tests of strength and other battles of will against my fellow males. Also, in reference to the group sex angle, I can also show that my projectile is the most well suited for the job of insemenation with a strut and the showing of the hind quarters that all GP's do. Which leads us to...
"If the female GP is a little slutty, does she then make her way through t$he lower ranks?"
What an excellent question? This is one of the many reasons I woo you here and now. It's okay to be a little slutty. It's good because it teaches you things you don't learn in one of my class rooms. It teaches you to how work it. How to show you've got the goods. I like stillettos and whip cream? How about you? To which you astoundly conclude...
"It doesn't sound exactly like group sex, but I think there's potential. I say, why work your way through the ranks one-by-one? Get them all in on the action at once and let them prove themselves. GP's are great under pressure! "
Oh Dermigirl, I'm going to need to acquire a tissue or a towell after that one. Forgive me as I do not have adversaries for your affections in my nearest perameter, however, I just had to tug one out for practice in this case. Copulation comes easy to some us. Difficult for others. I think you know what group I'm in. (wink, wink). Just thinking about how I would you show you my value. I would make sure to go to the stream and wash my hind quarters, rise up on my legs and bellow with a roar that would shake Atlas from his perch!
And that's only getting us started. Forgive the lengthy introduction. I've been lurking on this site for a while and could no longer hold my whet tongue of anticipation that would like to lap on your moist valleys.
Until we speak again. Forever yours.
Professor Korgosh
(let me know when might be appropriate to give you my email address for private chat :) )
Sarah writes...
"...female GPs are smart enough to choose a long life over cheap sex."
Interesting. Great being a primate, isn't it? We can have a long life and have cheap sex. But I must intercede here, Sarah. I have traveled many places for my studies and pleasure and I must say, I've never found sex to be cheap (either in monetary exchange or in non-committal ways). When my projectile finds safe harbor I welcome it with a twinkle of the eye, a shimmy of the hip, and thrust of the pelvis. Some GP males make notches on the bed post. I prefer ejaculation stains. We often forget our fluids. That's one thing we dermists never do. I like remembering my fluids and none of those stains do I recall as cheap.
Now some may say that this interjection is nothing more than an appeal to Dermigirl to put on those stillettos, cover herself whip cream, and let me perform the most intimate primate stuffing, and you smart perceivers would be partially correct.
I am a male of much diversity and higher learning power that surpasses most and leaves them in a trail of fluid and regret. Sarah, I do appreciate your sentiments but you'd be better off to rearrange your perogatives and see things from a more naturalistic perspective. Your desire to wear a bear carries flare but I wouldn't dare to wear a hare. LOL!
Sincerely.
Professor Korgosh
Lamar Gilroy writes:
"ME WANT ONE BIG TIME BOODIE BAD!!!!"
LOL
Hey Sarah, this guy is a good example of a "scrawny little hanger on" isn't he? Goes to show ya the cream does rise and some of us are doomed from the start.
Professor Korgosh
What? No responses? Can I buy a vowel? LOL!
Prof. Korgosh
Trust me, Lamar Gilroy is not scrawny.
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